nobody's home.
i wanna go out to squash all hunger pangs.
but the park's gonna be wet):
i won't be able to sit on the swing.
5:44 PM
|


from one to three.
i'm getting better at this.
maybe i'll be able to do a proper design one day.

and a temporary hiatus doesn't mean that the lines have stopped.
actually, they haven't.
they've just gotten lesser while i look for new places and alternatives.

i cried myself to sleep last night.
i tell everyone not to dwell on the past.
funnily enough, i don't listen to my own advice.
oh wait, i forgot.
i'm the master of contradiction.
i try so hard to forget the past.
but it always comes back to hit me in the face at odd moments.
i wish i could have amnesia.

there's a billion and one things that i wanna forget.
sometimes, temporary happiness allows me respite.
but all too soon, everything is brought back.
the cold, harsh realities of life.
i'm drained from trying.

i'm waiting for the day i overcome my fear.
and then i can leave.
'cause it's pointless staying.
when you can find no meaning to justify your existence.

i just really badly wanna find a dark corner.
to curl up and hide.
and lose all those unshed tears from godknowswhen.
and just throw that baggage aside.
and lighten the load.
somehow, i doubt i ever can.

forced laughter and smiles to certain people,
they're getting harder to do.
more often than not, it's a grimace.
and then a quick turn to take a deep breath.
blink away excess moisture at the corners.
and replace the grimace with a mega-watt smile.
that can never reach the eyes.

talking 'bout it seldom helps.
it just intensifies the pain.
and puts more grudges.
not talking doesn't help either.
in a nutshell,
just find the best alternative.
go find some lovin' from pain.
that's my best friend.
3:22 AM
|


carving is fun(:
not that i can do it any better.
still as lousy as the last time.
but hey, it looks more recognisable now lah.

i can't sleep.
i've got a pile to complete before i get a big fat zero.
not that i really care anymore.
f9s are practically my life now.
12:01 AM
|


and it feels heavenly without having to see sqdmates.
i wonder if yati managed to collect the money.

excess was fun.
joanna and her flasher.
dadeedum.

i have yet to start on my meds.
mum's gonna start nagging bout how i'm wasting money real soon.
oh well.
11:01 PM
|


when am i ever going to give up on you guys?
when you finally humiliate me worse than you already do?
when you drag me down even lower then you already have?
i dont get why i even bother.
i can't find the answer.
many times i tell myself,
no i won't care about you guys anymore.
i won't give a dammit fuck if you die.
yet i find myself panicking and scrambling to find a solution,
whenever trouble occurs.
tell me why?

i was never a part of the sqd.
not once.
and yet i keep trying and i find myself caring.
i promised ncos.
but i find it getting harder and harder to adhere to that promise.
i cant make myself do it at all.

i said that you guys won't be the ones to break me.
i said i wouldn't be affected by the shit you throw at me.
but that's exactly what the fuck's happening.
why do i even bother when you guys dont fucking care?
you just listen to the heads.
so why rant at us when we give up?
we don't matter to the sqd at all anyway.
the sqd's made up of 26 people ain't it?
not 28. never 28.

i can't stand the hypocrisy you guys display.
and yet i can't bring myself to scream and rant.
i'm pissed and i'm hurt.
but i can't.
no matter how much i try.
i can't do it.
and it fucking sucks.

i complain to yati.
but i always never say it to you guys.
dumb.

i'm so scared one day silin will lose it also.
and the three of us will start fighting.
i won't be able to deal if even silin turns her back on us.
'cause the rest of you don't understand.

i/cs are still sqdmates.
i fucking know that.
don't sqdmates deserve the same level of basic respect?
or wait.
only those in the sqd deserve respect.
the outsiders like the both of us don't.
'cause we're nobodys.
we don't matter.
even our feelings are redundant and useless.

she broke.
i'm gonna break soon.
it's just this thin little piece left hanging.
surviving on some wild, crazy ideal.
that you guys may one day open your fucking eyes.
but pragmatism is winning over the ideals.
i'm gonna give up soon.
it's so pointless to hold on to that sliver of hope.

for what really?
to cry everyday?
to get so frustrated and hurt?
to get so pissed off i wanna punch the wall till my skin tears?
to keep having to stare at wonderful red lines on my skin?

i never thought i would see the day when i really think,
yes the sqd is beyond hope.
not when everyone else had such high expectations for us.
we're supposed to be the sqd that's gonna bring cedar np to greater heights.
we're supposed to be raising the fucking standard.
none of that's happening.
the standard's just dropping like hell.
pretty soon it's gonna hit rock bottom,
especially if you guys refuse to see it.

i used to cry myself to sleep at night.
i got so frustrated over the sqd's problems.
and at that time i had campcraft as well.
i've never gotten over the disappointment.
that huge sense of loss and failure at losing the comp.
yes, to some, its stupid.
maybe you guys don't know.
but campcraft was what sustained me.
it kept me coming to school.
it stopped me from bailing out completely on the unit.
and then it came crashing.
you guys cried together.
i never had that luxury.
i was alone then.
hell, i'm still alone. by myself once again.

i feel like such a bitch for pushing everything to silin.
especially when you guys climb on her head all the time.
but i don't have the strength left to face you guys.
going for apt, parades, extra drills...
don't you know that's hell for me?
i keep finding excuses to skip this and skip that.
i can't bring myself to leave completely though.
and i hate me for that.

and i feel so much better now after ranting.
actually not.
9:36 PM
|


an old lady at the home died.
i shouldn't be surprised, but i am.
and quite affected by it.

i guess i was still living in my own naive world.
i never expected anybody from the home to die.
i had this crazy thought that they will live till way old.
i knew most of them were sick, and they were really old.
but i guess it was 'cause the sisters were there.
i thought they would be fine with the sisters looking after them.

i was so afraid grace was the one.
she's still strong, thank god.
its stupid,
but i feel like screaming at the Lord.
why did He take her away?
very dumb.
considering she's probably happier next to Him.
but still.
its not fair.
life really is short.
and death is so sudden and unexpected.
and it hits when you least expect it.
and when it hits, it hits hard.

i feel like visiting my grandparents at the columbarium tmr.
i barely rmb them but oh well.
9:45 PM
|


dadeedum.
2:10 AM
|


they piss me off simply by being there.
i don't like the scars.
not at all.
messy and ugly,
rough and protruding out.

yep, at certain moments in time,
they look good.
3:19 PM
|


hc's scaring me with all the late night invitations.
and the seemingly desperate requests.

celesther's buying a spongebob for that pot's birthday.
i wanna get something really embarrassing for that pot.(:
2:17 PM
|


unrequited love.
it's a double-edged blade.
that goes straight to the heart.
swiftly and oh so surely.
the pangs of helplessness come and go.
the eyes speak of misery,
agony and forgotten happiness.

nothing is but what is.
it was a game that went horribly awry.
and now you're stuck.
in this cycle of hell.
all hail, the devil's candy.
2:08 PM
|


unreasonable fucktard.
11:41 AM
|


i wish i had iggy's bass with me now.
i need to vent everything on something.

besides, i love the bass.
if only i could afford my own plus amps and whatever.
and piak on it to my heart's content.
11:42 PM
|


parade was hell.
thankyou sqdmates.
such wonderful people.
i'm gonna be driven crazy by you guys.

thankyou heads plus lauren.
and whoever else tried.
it really meant a lot to us.

life without direction is meaningless.
yet death cannot come.
the reason for living is not yet known.

spinning round and round in circles.
still it remains elusive.
unable to comprehend nor identify.

its the irony of the century.
right in front, but we're blind to it.
twisting and turning.
aimlessly seeking.
it's a nightmare,
but strangely fulfilling.
9:44 PM
|


i can't get to sleep.
2:20 AM
|


little better than a robot.
she existed just because.
and when the final bell tolled.
she finally showed her first sign of emotion.

it was a laugh.
a sigh of relief.
'cause after labouring,
she finally had her final rest.
and yes,
she was happy.
finally.
10:09 PM
|


it scared everyone else.
those swirling black orbs.
sometimes they reflected rage.
sometimes sadness.
mostly pain though.
they spoke volumes,
those twin pinpricks of light.
and they stole the veil away,
that which covered your inner secrets.
disaster fell.

brother might be expelled from school.
crap.
i feel awful for fighting with him earlier.
especially now that he's got one hell of an earful from mum and dad.
7:07 PM
|


and time can do nothing.
it can't take away the pain.
it can't heal the scars deep under.
her eyes will forever be haunted.
the memories won't leave her.
the scars are reflected clearly.
time is redundant here, love.
useless and forgotten.

with her back turned,
it seemed almost angelic.
winsome, innocent, pretty.
then her face came into view.
and the tables turned.
the sorrow, hate, anger and hurt.
they left little doubt in the mind.
the devil is here to stay.

so angelic, so innocent.
the look on her face one of rapture.
it was unbelievable.
i didn't think it could.
yet, it did change.
slowly but surely.
the devil came to play.
and i knew it wasn't fear,
but love,
that kept me from striking her.

each one speaks their own story.
that one was out of frustration.
the other out of fear.
and the latest one,
was out of disappointment.
they're so different.
yet with a common agenda.
to dish out pain.

those were produced thanks to boredom.

and yes im upset.
i worked hard for it.
i wanted it so badly.
its the only thing that i can probably get.
and yet, i lost it.
failure.

for the last time,
a freaking cat scratched me.
as well as the edge of the table and a cupboard.
yes, big coincidence.
but that's exactly what happened.
believe it or not,
i don't care.
4:59 PM
|


yes dad,
it's once again my fucking fault.
does it satisfy you now?
11:31 PM
|


and how i wish you're here for me.
8:58 PM
|


home,
that's hell in other words.
pure hell.

i can't quite figure it out yet.
what the fuck exactly possessed me to think home would be a safe respite from school?
what the fuck made me listen to the teachers and go home?
what indeed.

melvin said yesterday that at his age i'll probably love home.
well im sorry, but i highly doubt that.
i can never see my home as a place of comfort or whatever.

i broke down again.
after such a long hiatus.
i broke in the kitchen.
and im ashamed.
honestly, thoroughly ashamed of myself.
whatever happened to those promises to hold the tears back?
promises i made to myself.

i need more pain.
something more intense.
something that will definitely hurt more.
i know what i need.
the problem's getting it.
not a big one though.

i can't take everything pressing together.
it isn't just simple pressure.
every day, one part of me dies off.
it doesn't help that it's s fucking tiring,
having to pretend.
i wonder how long more can i fake them.
i feel like i'm playing a game of charades.

i keep trying to look on the positive side.
i can't find it though.
so maybe im a pessimist.
whatever.

i wish my eeyore's alive.
then it can give me a hug.
and assure me that everything will be alright.
no one else will.

i found the nicest lyrics.
its probably what mum wants to scream at me.

no one knows i lost my soul long ago.
i need to run far away
can't go back to that place
like she told me,
i'm just a big disgrace
7:58 PM
|


i wonder what difference it would make.
4:31 PM
|


im suddenly reminded of maamhuda.
and the note she wrote to me for pop.
something about how we're not robots,
and should all feel something.

what difference does it make when there's only one feeling present?
no matter how much you try to laugh or smile,
that same emotion is all that you can feel.
you can look happy,
hell you can really laugh out and feel amused,
but sooner or later,
that same emotion is once again lurking there.
like a bad dream you cant shake off,
like a sore you cant get rid of.
it lingers.

how much different is that from a robot?
in my book, not very much.
10:02 PM
|


hello iggy,
i've known you close to what 3 years?
you should probably know by now right.
im very stubborn.
and nothing in the world can make me stop right now.
next time, maybe i'll find a reason.
i may seem a mess to you most times,
but believe me,
its then that im actually happy.

trust me and take my word on this for once ok.
i know i seldom make good on my promises to you.
but please believe me when i say i think im happy then.
'cause its the closest to the truth that you'll ever hear from me.
im sorry, for many things.

thankyou for lugging your amps and bass all the way to pp.
just to teach me one song,
and paying a bomb for cab fare.
i really appreciate it loads.
youknow, you're really the best brother i could ever ask for.
much love.
9:40 PM
|


whats going on now?
tell me?
someone? anyone?

iggy keeps giving me the evil glare.
sorry lah.
i didn't mean to start doing it again.
but its addictive.
sorry.

i break all my promises anyway.
and its starting to hurt.
finally.
about time.
i wish it would bleed already.
and let the coppery tangy smell of blood pervade the air and senses.
4:04 PM
|


had the retarded singing competition.
i was bored.
anyways, sharron's group got second(:
my group didnt get anything.
HAH.

yesterday marked the end of my attachment in acts 29.
i loved it.
we reenacted the passover meal.
the food was damn fab.
unleavened bread, with parsley and some nuts thing.
some herb thing dipped in salt water before that.
roasted lamb.
marsala.
cold salad.
sheperd's pie(:
chicken.
kueh pietee[?]
jelly with grapes!
ice cream.
pizza.
thosai.
i wanna eat more more more.
ahhh!
9:00 AM
|


first parade was bloody fucked up.
everything was disrupted because of oral.
maams seemed pretty pissed with the other sqds.
but aries was saved.
i guess mostly 'cause only 4 people were in the sqd.
small so easy to handle.
im proud of us.
i thought we handled it ok.
yay aries.

its a monstrosity.
how many times have i said that?
many.

lit.
know your reason for living,
then you'll know your reason for dying.
and your death wouldnt be meaningless.
they were prepared to die,
but they were not yet ready to depart this life.
i like that phrase.
1:10 AM
|


must not sweat.
must never sweat tmr.
the chances of that happening is close to zilch.
but im desperate.
and thus employing desperate measures.

i cant wait for tmr to be over.
blah, our first muster parade.
our first parade after taking over.
gosh, cis and hos will be down.
if we screw up, we'll so die.

and i promise you i wont press on so heavily.
for now.
my promise does not include later.
10:27 PM
|


blah.
this is retarded.
from guitar, i've been smashed to vocals.
of all the shit.
'cause the stupid guitar is too low and they cant adapt.
what the fuck seriously.
bloody hell.

and really, im in desperate need of something to cover up the scars.
i cant, cannot, hell no.
the maams cant see my scars.
damn.
i forgot we'll be doing first aid bandages.
of all the shit.
and now silin says that setan knows about my hand.
great.
just perfect.
give me a cherry and some whipped cream for icing and it'll be all nice and ready.

everything's weird.
i wish i can actually wake up on time to go back to gift of love.
seeing and helping the sisters makes me happy.
and its the only highlight to this fucked up period.

i wish i can stay in my own reality.
and never come out of it.
'cause i dont wanna see anybody else.
i dont wanna make contact with the people around.

im curious,
why cant i just drop out/change school.
i wanna leave cedar.
hell, i've always wanted to leave.
i cant deal with sqd stuff or whatever.

and no matter how hard i try,
i just cant seem to turn to the Lord for help.
'cause i keep feeling that He has abandoned me.
i've never felt His presence in my life.
everybody says just pray.
pray and you'll find enlightenment.
pray and the Lord will show you the solution to your problems.
funny.
i think that's utter bullshit.

so sue me.
dont let me get confirmed.
but im doubting my faith.
im doubting everything else in my life.
because nothing seems definite.
and the Lord never seems to be there.
no matter where i turn to.
no matter who i turn to,
i just cant find anything worth it.

i told peichun im not suicidal.
i meant it then.
i still mean it now.
the future, that's uncertain.
'cause one day,
im gonna tire of this shit.

see the road rise up to meet us.
this life is filled with hurt
when happiness doesnt work.
anger and agony.
are better than misery.

i need to run far away.
cant go back to that place.
im just a big disgrace.

you blame me but,
its not fair when you said that i didnt try
i just dont wanna hear it anymore
i swear i never meant to let it die.
i just dont care about you anymore
its not fair when you say that i didnt try
i just dont care about you anymore

so i'll stay up all night
with these bloodshot eyes

the needle's breaking your skin
the scar's sinking in
and now you're dead inside
still you wonder why
5:23 PM
|


im sorry,
i broke my promise to you didnt i?
i heard the disappointment.
that's why i just left.
im a coward,
i couldn't bear to see the disappointment reflected on your face.

i did try sarah.
i wanted to keep my promise to you.
but i gave up.
and im sorry.
i couldnt resist it.
its become a part of my life.
i know im making excuses.

i dont know if im spoiling the friendship,
but please just pretend you dont see the scars.
11:19 PM
|


show me what its like,
to be the last one standing.

will it really scar?
please tell me the answer i wanna hear.
tell me its a yes.
and make my day.
6:40 PM
|


thankyou.
you're the best.
always.
i know you're worried,
but i cant give you a definite promise.
i wont go overboard though.
12:14 AM
|


stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid.
iggy's gonna kick my ass.
way to go celestine.
4:52 PM
|


they ddnt turn out the way i wanted them to.
i carved a special word in today,
to remind me.

the rain was a welcome distraction.
the wind was so strong,
the fan in class collided with the visualizer.
now the fan's dented and the visualizer's broken.
either bel or dhivyaa's papers flew outta class.
and landed in the middle of the courtyard.
hah.

funny, atiqah was right.
it always rains when we're having a bio test.
which i neglected again.
im used to getting wonderful f9s anyway.

and i got hormat to rusok for tmr's 2nd class.
its just the cherry on the cake.
especially since i just learnt the damn thing yesterday.
all i know is how to perform the drill.
everything else is a mystery.
oh yay.
i'll be a rambling freak again.

and there's assumption mass later.
blah.
i dont like.
3:30 PM
|


at the strangest and most uncalled for moment,
i suddenly remember something peichun once said not long ago.
weird.

and dad's at the office.
which translates to i have to keep hiding my hand.
he may not care,
but it doesnt mean im comfortable with him seeing it.
it'll just be weird.
having dad question the pretty obvious scars.
6:07 PM
|


and once again it hass resumed its messy state.
and it iss downright ugly.
i wont deny it.
i dont really enjoy looking at it either.
but doing it, that i enjoy.
and tremendously.
i cant be bothered anymore.
if you see it, then so be it.
mum and dad wouldnt care anyway.
so it's no trouble trying to hide from them.
they'll just think i used a red pen to draw lines on my arm.

i envy yati.
most times.
and silin as well.
my two fellow ncos.
but whats the point in writing here?
this blog aint private anyway.

cutting is for losers.
it seemed so long ago when i agreed with that.
almost like a century ago.
what changed?
i'd like to know.
why have my principles changed so drastically?
am i that lousy?

why do i even bother pretending im happy?
when i cant sleep at night.
when im plagued by nightmares.
when i keep dreaming of an ambition that will never be realised.
when i keep pushing it so hard against my skin,
im this teeny weeny bit close to drawing blood.

its so tiring to keep up this huge front.
is it worth it though?
forcing all the tears away.
refusing to shed a single.
just counting on creating pain to take away the pain.
ironic?
it works. for me at least.

and it keeps me happy in such a sadistic sense.
satisfied and pleased.
or am i really?
am i just deluding myself?
5:17 PM
|


it was this awesome dream that she woked up from.
and got smashed back into reality.
in it, she was happy.
doing just the thing she had always wanted.
turning into the person she always wanted to be.

she was satisfied, in that dream of hers.
in it, she found what she had always been searching for.
if only she could stay in that beautiful dream.
forever.
12:51 PM
|


and she dreams of wings.
and freedom.
all she wants is to soar in peace.
tranquility.
thats an unknown territory.
10:52 PM
|


and what we do is justified.
it gives an adrenaline rush.
this feeling of pure bliss.

and yes, i wont stop.
'cause its the one thing that im in control of now.
and it makes me happy,
especially when its being done.
yes, its ugly.
i can see that clearly.

what nobody sees,
is my motivation for doing so.
what they dont understand at all.
if im happy with my life the way it is now.
accept it ok.
and stop trying.
you'll never succeed.
9:54 PM
|


haslina asked,
dont you feel scared? all alone here on your own?
and in the dark?

should i be?
im so used to the dark now.
so used to being alone all the time.
what difference would a little more make?
it'll just be another day.
4:42 PM
|


and when she looked down,
she was struck by the ugliness of it.
she never knew it could look this bad,
but she cant stop herself.
its her ticket out of insanity.
its her lifebuoy in the middle of the choppy waves.

and looks are always deceiving.
4:44 PM
|


i was a nervous wreck during the outdoor celebrations.
was damn scared i would screw up.
and for some reason,
i had this wild fear that a bird would shit on my uniform.
i could not stop trembling throughout the thing.
and suppressing my coughs.
blah.
we still screwed up some parts.
but oh well, im happy.

well except for stubborn kuang.
her fever got worse.
i was afraid she would faint during the whole march past thing.

went out with peichun and prachit after.
and once again im told i look either emo or depressed.
its just dark colours.
oh well.
i thought i looked fat instead.

watched lakehouse.
coincidentally with ahma,marg and syikin as well.
its such a sweet show.

its so tiring,
but worthwhile i guess.
it takes time to close them.
and time is what have in abundance now.
9:05 PM
|


mondays.
i hate mondays.
the lessons are all screwed up.
and im never awake.
i'll always be somewhere searching for panadol.
mondays always see me with an extreme lack of sleep.
or lying on my table,
sleeping through some crap lesson.

i fell asleep during chem.
and unfortunately got caught.
but hey, i did my work.
so i got left off.
hell, she didnt even scold me.
just kept looking over.
it helps to be a responsible it/av whatever rep.

pretty soon dad's gonna whine that im only nice 'cause i need the cash.
its not gonna take long.

i found something to do(:
to absolutely waste my time.
whee.
and then, i shall spend most weekends at gift of love.
i miss grace.
and the others.
8:26 PM
|


pretty please let me fall sick.
im this teeny bit close.

and i've determined my reasons for loving gift of love.
im definitely gonna go back on my own.
i love the people there.
and most of all,
its the one place where i actually feel happy.
and very contented.
especially when feeding them.
'cause they make me feel like i actually belong.
and yes i do know the exact word that i wanna use to describe how i feel.
only im not in the mood to.

and when i leave, i have this urge to smile.
and im happy, grace ate a litle more today.
it doesnt matter how long i have to stand there,
hunched over, slowly feeding her the porridge.
its worth it.
maybe she hates me feeding her,
or she just doesnt care,
but to me, it actually means a lot.

i counted 6 pretty visible ones.
and about 5 others as well.
i cant decide if im proud of them,
or disgusted.
i guess i'll never be able to.
9:40 PM
|


brother came home from another one day camp sick.
its probably food poisoning.
which sucks.
'cause im the one who wants to fall sick.
not him.

i feel horrible for abandoning lyy.
and peichun.
im sorry.
i forgot bout fop.

tmr is gift of love.
i like helping out there.
i just wanna avoid a certain person there.
not to mention kick all the guys' asses.
thanks a lot for coming late and not helping at all.
it helps tons when you just stand there and stone.

this world will never be
what i expected
and if i dont belong
who would have guessed it

and there's training on monday.
guess i just cant skip it again.
great.
now if only apt can start once again.
to complete the perfect cycle.

yep. im stubborn.
but im sorry if i can only see the sqd as selfish.
i was never in.
it doesnt hold much appeal for me anyway.
4:22 PM
|


mrs jay raised a point during unseen.
in lit, three main points are raised up all the time.
one. what is life? what's the point to it?
two. what is real love? is there really such a thing?
three. is there really a god? does he really exist?
and yes.
i wanna know the answers to that. badly.

and now you're dead inside
still you wonder why
its all over

9:47 PM
|


and yes it hurt bad.
but then again, its not important anyway.
it never is.

im sorry nat.
i made a huge mistake.
me and ___.
cant.
i have no idea what i was doing then.
similiarly, i dont know what i want now.
im sorry.
i feel like a complete bitch for that.

nothing is but what is not.

everything's a blur.
what was certain then,
sure as hell ain't now.

sure im fine.
just give me my daily dose of caterpillar bun.
lyy was right.
why whine that its fading.
when it'll be back the next day.

and they looked through me.
like im invisible.
is this some telepathy kinda thing.
maybe it is.
and its shit that has to happen,
that makes me fully understand what lyy went through.

somebody help me through this nightmare
i cant control myself
somebody wake me from this nightmare
i cant escape this hell
10:15 PM
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and they dont just look that way.
they actually feel that way.
ok. so now i can imagine its food?
when im hungry?

and its just so fun to be ignored always.
yay.
was i just a friend that you flocked to when you needed one?
and then dumped like hot stones when you weren't bored?
stop fucking telling me that i should stop doing stuff to myself.
you're one of the cause.
6:48 PM
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and all she sees are the imperfections.
every little speck, so clear in the mirror.
the red lines are a symbol for her pain.
she remembered sarahteh saying the previous ones were messy.
and she took great care to ensure the new ones were neat.
so now they look like caterpillar buns.

all she's left with is her eeyore.
the second thing that can never hurt her.
'cause she doesn't know anymore.
the only thing keeping her company is the pain.
and her beloved eeyore.

the fake smiles are making her jaws ache.
the laughter is wearing her down.
she's struggling to appear happy,
amongst a myriad of emotions.
she feels lost among the crowd.
she doesnt know what she's doing.

and when they ignore her,
the pain is intensified.
yet she keeps trying to shrug it off.
pretending she's perfectly alright.

but if you turn your back on me now
when i need you most
but you chose to let me down
wont you think about what you're about to do to me
and back down
10:24 PM
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