so its my fault again.
solely mine.
and again i get smashed in the face with your anger.
as usual.

i haven't talked to you for damn long.
you probably haven't noticed.
you never do anyway.
all that matters in your life is yourbeloved.
im just the friend that you'll talk to when you're mad at the rest.
the one you mood swing at.
because i'll put up with you.

fuck this ok.
fuck your bloody attitude to hell and back.
maybe you dunno.
but lady.
i have feelings as well.
could you just maybe consider them for once?

you guys complained so much last time bout it.
and yet now you're doing the same thing to me.
you guys had each other to bitch to then.
i dont.
as usual.
im the odd one out.
the one who never participates in anything.
maybe you dunno,
but im not exactly exhilarated at that at all.

its a front.
nothing but a facade.
what do you know of how i feel anyway?
oh wait.
you dont care at all.
you just go around trampling at them.
like its berries.
yay.

but then again,
its redundant asking you to just maybe care a little.
asking you guys to understand just a little.

school is just so useless now.
everyday im just there to exist.
to stone through every damn lesson.
and pass each day lonely and upset.

i've lost interest in everything.
even church holds no appeal at all now.

all i want.
is to go to sleep forever.
in that blissful black abyss of ignorance.

i started scratching again today.
it made me feel good.
made me feel a little less lonely.
because there's the pain to take away some of the loneliness.

i never really wanted to get my ear pierced again.
you guys motivated me to do so though.
in the wrong way.

i feel choked amongst you guys.
its traumatising.
and i thought i could depend on you guys.
apparently not.

i wish i can end all this.
im sorry.
but those thoughts are back.
and im too tired to stop them this time.
way too tired.
8:28 PM
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