i love acts(:
had one hell of a time with them today.
and i managed to just push everything away for that period of time.

we were supposed to get used to taking care of those with physical disabilities today.
so we became them plus the helpers.
which saw me temporarily blind for the afternoon.
with justin helping me.

when we left the room,
i was honestly scared and completely disorientated.
then justin asked if i had to go to the toilet.
the firt thing that came to my mind was,
how the hell am i supposed to go?
even if i wanted to, i cant see!
then it struck me,
oh yeah i cant see.
then what about those who are really blind?
how do they go to the toilet?

then we had to take a bus and get to punggol park.
just leaving the centre left me panicking.
justin said there was a drain/canal.
and i was near it.
i got scared.
i thought i would fall in.
then the whole crossing the road thing left me thrilled.
well in a way.
but it also got me thinking bout the blind.

there was an incident there,
when jarvis and justin said i couldnt cross the road.
'cause there wasnt enough time.
and i wouldnt be able to cross.
considering i couldnt run.
it was pretty exasperating.
and i wondered if they would feel the same.

there were slight elevations on the way to the bus stop.
little steps that left me terrified.
i didnt know where i was.

sitting at the bus stop.
without being able to see at all,
and having to rely entirely on justin,
i felt completely helpless.
i hated the fact that i couldnt do things on my own.
and i felt bad that i had to trouble justin.

then, jarvis and sylvester gave me this huge branch.
i thought it was stupid at first.
but i was glad i had it when the bus came.
'cause it helped me to figure out where the steps were.
my branch got caught in the metal railing thing at the entrance.
but i got it out.(:

from what i heard,
everybody on the bus were staring at the whole lot of us the whole time.
most felt embarrassed.
me?
i couldnt see so i didnt think it weird.
but i did feel really bad for justin.
'cause he couldnt leave me alone and hide his face.
and he couldnt whisper directions to me.
it felt scary walking down the aisle.
i didnt know if i was clutching the seat or a person.
i was damn thankful for justin's help and company.

getting to the park involved crossing two roads i think and steps. again.
i was pretty used to crossing the road by then.
so we could walk pretty fast.
the steps part was where i almost fell over.
i was expecting steps up.
not down.
so i tripped on the first step.
thankgod for the branch.
and the instructions from justin.
i got down perfectly fine.

the walk to the picnic area was long.
or so i thought.
and i felt really self conscious.
all the way there.
we had to walk past a cafe.
and i could hear lots of people.
i was really really aware that we would attract stares.
and then i linked it back to how they would feel.

when we reached the meeting point.
i thought yay i can see again.
but nope.
we had to eat with our disabilities.

so i was eating blind.
justin was awesome.
helping me get drinks and food.
and making funny signs while they snapped pics of me without my knowledge.=/
it gave me a chance to experience what its like to eat when you cant see.
and it made me really appreciate my sight.

to eat without being able to see what you're eating,
is just plain irritating.
justin had to help direct the straw,food etc.
it just left me with an immense sense of helplessness.

boy was i glad to rip off the bandage.
to just open your eyes and see again.
the feeling was beyond fantastic.
its like whoa.
after this period of darkness,
suddenly everything seemed so bright.
and wonderful.

the entire afternoon left with new respect for the physically disabled.
and not just the blind.
its amazing the way they can be so independent
despite their obstacles.
it was definitely an eye opener.
and i learnt a lot.
thankyou acts29.

we went out for dinner after that.
then to the movies with celesther, diana and stacey.
i love today.
it made me forget the crappiness of the week.
well for awhile.
'cause the memories will haunt me forever.
it wont be easy to brush it off.
not with the scars so deep.
12:48 AM
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