and once again it hass resumed its messy state.
and it iss downright ugly.
i wont deny it.
i dont really enjoy looking at it either.
but doing it, that i enjoy.
and tremendously.
i cant be bothered anymore.
if you see it, then so be it.
mum and dad wouldnt care anyway.
so it's no trouble trying to hide from them.
they'll just think i used a red pen to draw lines on my arm.
i envy yati.
most times.
and silin as well.
my two fellow ncos.
but whats the point in writing here?
this blog aint private anyway.
cutting is for losers.
it seemed so long ago when i agreed with that.
almost like a century ago.
what changed?
i'd like to know.
why have my principles changed so drastically?
am i that lousy?
when i cant sleep at night.
when im plagued by nightmares.
when i keep dreaming of an ambition that will never be realised.
when i keep pushing it so hard against my skin,
im this teeny weeny bit close to drawing blood.
its so tiring to keep up this huge front.
is it worth it though?
forcing all the tears away.
refusing to shed a single.
just counting on creating pain to take away the pain.
ironic?
it works. for me at least.
and it keeps me happy in such a sadistic sense.
satisfied and pleased.
or am i really?
am i just deluding myself?
5:17 PM
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