blah.
this is retarded.
from guitar, i've been smashed to vocals.
of all the shit.
'cause the stupid guitar is too low and they cant adapt.
what the fuck seriously.
bloody hell.

and really, im in desperate need of something to cover up the scars.
i cant, cannot, hell no.
the maams cant see my scars.
damn.
i forgot we'll be doing first aid bandages.
of all the shit.
and now silin says that setan knows about my hand.
great.
just perfect.
give me a cherry and some whipped cream for icing and it'll be all nice and ready.

everything's weird.
i wish i can actually wake up on time to go back to gift of love.
seeing and helping the sisters makes me happy.
and its the only highlight to this fucked up period.

i wish i can stay in my own reality.
and never come out of it.
'cause i dont wanna see anybody else.
i dont wanna make contact with the people around.

im curious,
why cant i just drop out/change school.
i wanna leave cedar.
hell, i've always wanted to leave.
i cant deal with sqd stuff or whatever.

and no matter how hard i try,
i just cant seem to turn to the Lord for help.
'cause i keep feeling that He has abandoned me.
i've never felt His presence in my life.
everybody says just pray.
pray and you'll find enlightenment.
pray and the Lord will show you the solution to your problems.
funny.
i think that's utter bullshit.

so sue me.
dont let me get confirmed.
but im doubting my faith.
im doubting everything else in my life.
because nothing seems definite.
and the Lord never seems to be there.
no matter where i turn to.
no matter who i turn to,
i just cant find anything worth it.

i told peichun im not suicidal.
i meant it then.
i still mean it now.
the future, that's uncertain.
'cause one day,
im gonna tire of this shit.

see the road rise up to meet us.
this life is filled with hurt
when happiness doesnt work.
anger and agony.
are better than misery.

i need to run far away.
cant go back to that place.
im just a big disgrace.

you blame me but,
its not fair when you said that i didnt try
i just dont wanna hear it anymore
i swear i never meant to let it die.
i just dont care about you anymore
its not fair when you say that i didnt try
i just dont care about you anymore

so i'll stay up all night
with these bloodshot eyes

the needle's breaking your skin
the scar's sinking in
and now you're dead inside
still you wonder why
5:23 PM
|