from one to three.
i'm getting better at this.
maybe i'll be able to do a proper design one day.

and a temporary hiatus doesn't mean that the lines have stopped.
actually, they haven't.
they've just gotten lesser while i look for new places and alternatives.

i cried myself to sleep last night.
i tell everyone not to dwell on the past.
funnily enough, i don't listen to my own advice.
oh wait, i forgot.
i'm the master of contradiction.
i try so hard to forget the past.
but it always comes back to hit me in the face at odd moments.
i wish i could have amnesia.

there's a billion and one things that i wanna forget.
sometimes, temporary happiness allows me respite.
but all too soon, everything is brought back.
the cold, harsh realities of life.
i'm drained from trying.

i'm waiting for the day i overcome my fear.
and then i can leave.
'cause it's pointless staying.
when you can find no meaning to justify your existence.

i just really badly wanna find a dark corner.
to curl up and hide.
and lose all those unshed tears from godknowswhen.
and just throw that baggage aside.
and lighten the load.
somehow, i doubt i ever can.

forced laughter and smiles to certain people,
they're getting harder to do.
more often than not, it's a grimace.
and then a quick turn to take a deep breath.
blink away excess moisture at the corners.
and replace the grimace with a mega-watt smile.
that can never reach the eyes.

talking 'bout it seldom helps.
it just intensifies the pain.
and puts more grudges.
not talking doesn't help either.
in a nutshell,
just find the best alternative.
go find some lovin' from pain.
that's my best friend.
3:22 AM
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