i didn't bring it to school today.
leaving me very frustrated.
with nothing to vent my frustration and irritation on.

department meeting was stupid.
wasted my time just to hear syikin say a few sentences.
and i failed neighbourhood gold.
kinda expected actually.
retest's next monday.
yuck.

i don't wanna be the reason why.

school's a plain torture.
i don't know why i bother actually.

are you like me?
are you ugly?
a liar like me?

i'm annoyed by the fact that i just say mostly.
but i don't have the guts to do it all the way.
it doesn't help that it's so shallow.
i hate that my hand gets clammy everytime i attempt it.
i hate that it doesn't ever turn out the way i want it to.
i hate that i always hesitate.

it's not supposed to be like this.
it's not supposed to be painless.
i'm not supposed to be so numb.
it's supposed to hurt.

i do this to myself.
me and no one else.
so help me, tell me how to break free.
i'm to blame and that's what really hurts.
that's what really hurts.
you get what you deserve.

i'm amused by the title of the songs i like now.
they have very apt ones actually.

tired of you.
ugly.
what you deserve.
a beautiful lie.
the kill.
why cry.
funeral song.
lucifer's angel.
shot.
be yourself and 5 other cliches.
headspin.
changes.
going down in flames.
was it a dream.
the fantasy.
the story.
gone forever.
time of dying.
pain.
it's all over.
on my own.
let it die.

that's for starters.
i have much more.
only i'm too lazy to search.

what a disappointment.
it finally hurt.
one, two trickle.
then it stopped.
even the pain stopped.
i'm a disgrace.

how contradictory.
i'm asking manprit to slap me if she ever sees more red lines.
yet i don't wanna stop doing.

and i'm going to be late for excess if i don't hurry.
BLAH.
probably coming back online much later.
to talk about excess maybe.
6:21 PM
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