i walked home from church hoping the night would give me some answers, and leave my head a lot less fucked up.
i ended up more confused and sweating like hell.
whatever happened to rational thinking?

honestly, i didn't enjoy the youth rally.
well except for the band.
and the bass(:
i'll give anything to learn the bass.

i realise i'm really pampered and spoilt.
daddy gave me the money to get my bag.
and he's paying to fix my phone after i whined like hell.
actually no, i've always known that i'm a spoilt brat.
and i just exploit it to my own advantage.

there is excess on tuesday.
another night where i'll really read the bible.
and actually participate in the bible study.
something which i normally wouldn't do elsewhere.

both excess and acts29 have changed me in some way.
only excess is making a bigger impact on me.
it's a pity i can't bring myself to confide in any of them.
i'm still afraid that my mind will be swayed.
and i'm still fixed on that.

oh wait, that thinking did help a little.
i don't know why i suddenly thought of kenneth and celesther.
and i guess i just realised that i'll do anything for them.
it's so random but yeah.
they mean so much to me even if i keep fighting with them.
i'll be the first to defend them.
hell i'll beat up whoever for them.
and i'll be the first to beat them up if they go astray.

i hate mum.
what a fucking bitch.
10:36 PM
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