i'm in love with bobby.
he's so damn cute lah.
eeyer.
he's sherlyn's dammit adorable godson.
and i have his picture as my wallpaper.
no, i'm not a paedophile.
i just appreciate cute kids.

church was interesting today.
i don't understand why everyone thinks my nose will bleed.
but oh well.
had lunch with acts29.
and met the excess people.
HAH. you see edward, i proved you dead WRONG.
and no, i won't get a nipple ring.
you can get one, then show me.

i just took out the original metal stud.
so now, there's a transparent earstick popping out.
and i have no guts to cut off the protuding end.
'cause the nose already hurts like a sonofabitch.
the abused flesh is popping up around it,
all red and scary like, with dried blood around the rim.
but at least it's not bleeding.
it just hurts.
which is kinda what i wanted.
i just cut off the top part of the dumb earstick.
ouch.
but i like.

my head's like a bomb, still waiting.
take my heart and take my soul,
i don't need them anymore.

so take my life, i don't need it anymore.

mission is from dec6th-20th.
which means i'll be gone the whole month.
if i'm allowed to go that is.
yay.
i'll be leaving on the 5th.
so i'll get to at least wish bung a happy birthday.
i can't wait to be far away from s'pore.
but anyways it'll be the hols.
i won't be in the shithole i call school.
and no phones are allowed.
though it's not as if i'll have anybody to msg or call.
and since i won't be missed, it'll be easy.

i need a meaning.
i need a soul.

met cindy at j8.
i was late as hell.
i'm sorry babe, i didn't know the meeting would drag.
we went to the library to talk.
didn't stay for long,
'cause she had to be back home.
so we left five-ish.

cinch still looks the same.
but she's definitely changed.
the old cinch wouldn't have noticed the scars.
i'm sorry i didn't tell you a thing babe.
and i'm sorry i said i wouldn't stop.
maybe i'll stop next time,
but i need it now.
i'm going shopping with her after the exams.(:

i wish i knew what you were thinking.
i miss the days of yesterday.
and i hate myself for what i'm doing.
addiction is hard to escape.

I watched you fall,
Then sat and laughed as you slowly died.
There was a time when you stood tall,
And I looked at you with awe and wonder.
"I have it all," you cried with pride.
"and I will always have it."

But you were wrong, so wrong.
Your arrogance was your downfall.
One by one, you were left alone.
Over and over, your heart was crushed.
And soon, you had lost it all.

"Where did I go wrong?" you wondered.
"Why am I alone?"
By and by, you gave up.
Until the day came when there was nothing left.
"It's finally over." you laughed in mirth.
And when you stepped off, I closed my eyes.
The 'thump' decided it all.

I danced on your grave while others wept.
I partied while they mourned,
And no one understood my joy,
For I knew you like no other.
And I knew you were happy,
That you were right where you belonged.
'cause I am you,
Just as you were me.

did that make sense?

it's been a long time since i wore a skirt.
i should start wearing one soon,
before iggy nags again.
HAH, he can be my fashion consultant,
come to think of it.

sheryl or maybe sherlyn? i can't remember actually.
anyways, she said something during cat class just now.
it's still stuck in my head actually.
"it doesn't matter who you meet next time,
in the end, you'll be with somebody you meet in church.
or it'll be somebody you know now, from class.
'cause they'll mature by then."
and i remember who said it already.
dear old sherlyn.

thinking back, it is rather true.
rowena's with somebody from church.
roxanne as well.
hell, almost everybody i see in church.
pretty cool actually.

yay pot's going out with me next week.
i'm gonna drag him to buy nose studs with me.
then force him to study,
while i attempt to study myself.
HEH.
i'll probably start pestering him for bass lessons though.
oh well.
he should be used to it by now.

i kinda pity him actually.
for having to put up with my whining, criticism and mood swings for three years already.
i wonder how he does it actually.

i'm talking to bung, nana and yati now.
i'm sorry nana.
i must be disappointing you now huh.
7:24 PM
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