of all the days to get flu.
i fucking get it now.
can i pout now?

my stick flew into my nose.
and i spent a torturous 10 mins trying to get it out.
before wasting more than an hour tyring to put a new one in.
eeyer. ice is now my best friend.
thankyou jannah.(:
the pain lessened a bunch after icing my nose.

tomorrow's english paper.
it's the start to hell.
strangely enough, i don't give a shit about it.
i'm more hyped up about the lesson after.
i get to learn the bass.(:

went to school today with barely opened eyes.
that's what you get when you don't sleep.
remind me not to talk to edward if i can't sleep.
but it was interesting.
and thankyou.
i feel a lot better now.

my right side of the nose is clogged up.
i can't sneeze properly.
'cause the stick will fly out again.
damn. i'm gonna whine soon.

studied with iggy today.
though actually it's like i studied while he accompanied me.
had one hell of an awesome time.
caught up on a lot of things with that pot.
and i strengthened my anger against that fucktard.
what an asshole man.

the bin's filling up with my tissue.
sheesh.
i'm feeling awfully shitty now.
which kinda translates to don't irritate me now,
i'll blow all over you.
'cause i'm always grumpy when i have flu.
eeyer.

today was a day of new discoveries.
some pretty shocking.
and i'm happy, now that i know i'm learning to get over you.
sure, i still feel some stuff.
but i believe i just need time.
and i'll be ok,
'cause i promised myself so.

i just made a mug of extra sweet and milky comfort tea.
it's the one thing that can perk me up when i'm having flu.
it's also the only hot thing i can make at night.
well, at least i stopped sneezing that much already.

i realise this post is going to be very jumbled up.
but hell, i don't give a fuck.

iggy's going to pierce his lip tomorrow.
and i swear they are awfully sweet together.

i'm sweating like a stuck pig.
but i can't turn on the fan,
'cause i'll start sneezing again.
what the hell man.

i think i'll sleep late again tonight.
i feel wide awake.
now that i'm pumped up with caffeine.

i'm changing.
and this time, i'm happier about the change.
i'm learning to deal.
i'm learning to accept that not everything's rosy.
i'm learning that hurt is necessary,
but it ain't the end of the world.

i thought i wouldn't be able to cope.
what with all three consecutive blows.
i underestimated my ability to bounce back however,
as well as the ability of those wonderful idiots.
through many awesome people,
yati, bung, iggy, nana, nat, cel, excess, melo, atiqah...
i've realised that i'm not always alone.
true, ultimately i still feel very damn lonely.
but i have people to talk to still.
it's not a completely lonely existence.

i'm proud to say i haven't cut for awhile.
i still haven't given up on it.
i still want to cut.
not because of my problems,
but because of my addiction.
ok, maybe a teeny bit because of my problems as well.

but i'm a happier person.
i'm certainly less angsty,
and i laugh a hell lot more.
i love me a lot more now.
and i've learnt to appreciate many things.

i'd like to think that it's God's doing.
i'd like to think that it's partly 'cause the both of them prayed for me.
i'd also like to think that it's due to the support of people i can call friends.
i'd like to think that i actually tried.

don't bother correcting me if i'm wrong.
i like what i came up with.

don't get me wrong though.
this doesn't mean that i'm going to stop fighting and arguing.
it doesn't mean i accept all the shit that's going on.
neither does it mean i'm going to laugh and be happy every day.
it just means i'm not going to keep thinking that the world owes me something.
it's that simple.

i haven't become a happy-go-lucky person overnight.
i've just learnt that sometimes,
i just need to let go and talk to someone.
10:44 PM
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