once, twice, thrice.
it took awhile, before it bled.
and she looked down, with sadistic pleasure
as the pain enveloped her, and filled her senses.
the sweet scent of release was intoxicating.
she felt giddy, lightheaded with perverse joy.

"goodbye." she told the cold, sick world.
"goodbye and good riddance.
thanks for fucking up my life.
but you see, i'm leaving now.
to my haven of happiness and fear.
where sorrow and misery are the forgotten words.
goodbye now. i won't see you again."

for her place was down there.
amongst the damned, where she truly belonged.
eternal damnation and pain.
she knew full well, that salvation was not for her.
only pain could do.
and amidst the burning furnaces of hell,
she felt truly at home.
for once, she felt at peace within.

she smiled.
and it would chill the hearts of those around.
for it was a smile that spoke volumes.
a smile that betrayed her inner emotions.
it was a sad smile really.
wistful and resigned.
one that pined for days long gone.
yet knew that the past can never return.

but she was smart.
she had survived this long after all.
she knew full well,
that she could never receive redemption.
and so she prepared for her way down.

with each slash, her inner self shuddered.
with each slow down stroke, she lost herself.
bit by bit, her soul crumbled.
the wonderful, cheery girl.
disintegrated to nothing but a shell.
and she slashed again. the final one.
deep down inside, she broke down and wept.

and then it stopped.
everything ceased to exist.
she had finally descended to hell.
where she would soon be happy.

"goodbye world. i'm gone for good now."

i liked that.
melo thinks i'm morbid.
oh well.

i started taking painkillers again.
for no damn reason.
except that i felt like it.
and because i was hoping somehow,
they could just take away everything inside.
stupid really.
but then again, i always am.

bamboostick and bung's angry.
they disapprove.
i still hope they'll understand someday.
why i do it.

i won't stop.
because it's all i have now.
all that stops me from going all the way.
because i will do it, when i can't take it anymore.

i will do it. because i said so.
and because i said so, i will do it.
did that even make sense?
9:18 PM
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