i'm crying again.
no fuck this, why am i crying?
why couldn't mel whack me harder with the guitar?
i'm sorry tong, it's not working.

give me the freedom to let a tragedy unfold,
allow me the dignity to end this disgusting sham,
show me the way to bring about the beginning & the end,
bring me my life on a platter to be thrown away.

lead me to death's beautiful welcoming door,
let me be the one he embraces with a smile & open arms,
then shower me with abundant pain and blood,
& i will be eternally grateful.

blood has a cloyingly, coppery sweet scent,
it's the scent of precious release,
the best smell on earth,
it's the one thing i'll ever need.

bring about the two things i crave most,
let it all come down on me in one fell swoop,
& take away everything else i feel,
'cause i hate this self too very much.

little one,
tell me you were kidding when you said that.
thankyou.

i love tong, tong loves me.
we are one big family,
with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you,
won't you say you love me too.
wth, this is insane.

what liars we can be.

loneliness, maybe that's where we all will end up in.
anger, maybe that's all we'll feel finally.
fear, maybe that's what will drive us to insanity.
happiness, maybe that's nothing but a dream.
& we'll drown in our emotions,
'cause they're just too messed up.
we can't survive in this mayhem.
11:37 PM
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