maybe you just don't get it,
but you know, i'm running away again,
'cause i'm terrified of the consequences if i stay.
& i'd rather hurt in silence then commit the same mistake again.

call me a coward if you may,
rant at me and lecture me as many times as you like.
it's not gonna make a difference.
'cause i'm just not strong enough to withstand that shit.

i love stick, thankyou tons.
i'm sorry you had to stay out till 3.45 yesterday night with me.
i'm sorry you had to listen to me pour out everything.
i'm sorry i dragged you out of bed at 1 to have supper with me earlier.
& thankyou so very very much for being there for me.
i'm still fucking upset, but you brought a smile to my face.
thankyou waggy, you're the best hon.

camp's in a few freaking hours.
i still haven't packed,
nor have i started on preparations.
i think i'm out to get myself in deep shit.
ah wells, i've never been on good terms with the sqd anyway.

hello ben!
if you're reading this, you must be very bored.
poor you huh?
cut down on the number of sticks please,
even if work is really damn boring.
bye ben, love!

i'm really damn tired.
but i can't sleep):
i'm gonna be a freaking zombie during camp.
and there's not gonna be sufficient sleep during camp as well.
oh damn.
i want to sleep so freaking badly.
blah.

you you you,
you're an idiot, a damn big one.
oh but wait, you wouldn't know anyway.
i wanna run far away from you,
but damn, i always come back in the end.
it's pretty much like torture,
why couldn't you just stay out of my life?

i saw you in school today,
i don't know why but it kinda hurt a little.
& i guess it contributed to all the crappy feelings.
maybe you still mean something?
but it's a bloody closed chapter man,
or rather as closed as i can make it.
i just hope you're happy.
1:54 AM
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