thank you for once again pushing it all back to me.

the same few phrases are running through my head again.
i wonder how many times i've been singing it.
welcome to my world,
where everyone i ever need
always ends up leaving me alone
another lesson learned
and i'm drowning in the ashes
kicking
screaming
welcome to my world

i'm trying so hard not to reach over to my bag.
it's taking too much to not open my pencil case.
i don't wanna use it again, not now.
but there's that huge compelling urge all over again.
it's like a call to just reach out and start.
& the images are running through my mind again.

fuck this mind, fuck this person i am.
whatever happened to gary's talk?
though actually, how low can i sink?
should i even bother trying?

but nobody seems to care,
when i'm all alone.

but that's not true.
i know they care.
only i'm just too stubborn for my own good.
& maybe one day, they'll get tired too.

don't fall, 'cause there'll be no one to catch you when you fall.
don't cry, 'cause there'll be no one to catch your tears.
don't smile, 'cause there'll be no one to see your pretty face.
don't fume, 'cause there'll be no one to cheer you up.
don't live, 'cause there'll be no one to care 'bout your existence.

it boils down to one fact, there is no one at all.
so close up your doors, and put on those shackles.
you will always be alone.
12:53 AM
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